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parish peacemakers
Jesus tells us that "blessed are the
peacemakers" (Matthew 5.9) and Paul tells us that we share in a
"ministry of reconciliation" (2 Corinthians 5.18). This provides
the context for the work of all Christians as peacemakers and
reconcilers.
The Parish Peacemaking Process is for
those who want to make peace and build up and strengthen the
church through responsibly engaging our differences, and it therefore
enjoys the full support of Saint Stephen's Vestry.
Conflict can be helpful in our own
individual lives and in the life of the community, as it helps us grow
and move to new possibilities. A church without some level of
conflict is a church that is waning and even dying. Yet all know
of times when conflict has spiraled out of control and threatens to
damage or destroy relationships. It is for that reason that some
have said that conflict properly managed is conflict continuously
managed.
In Matthew 18, Jesus gives his disciples the
following lesson on the management of conflict and the need for
reconciliation:
15
"If your brother sins against you, go and show him his
fault, just between the two of you. If he listens to you, you
have won your brother over.
16 But if he will not listen, take one or two others
along, so that 'every matter may be established by the testimony
of two or three witnesses.'
17 If he
refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church; and if he
refuses to listen even to the church, treat him as you would a
pagan or a tax collector.
18"I
tell you the truth, whatever you bind on earth will be
bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth will be
loosed in heaven.
19
"Again, I tell you that if two of you on earth agree
about anything you ask for, it will be done for you by my Father
in heaven. 20 For
where two or three come together in my name, there am I with
them."
21
Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, "Lord, how many times
shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven
times?"
22
Jesus answered, "I tell you, not seven times, but
seventy-seven times.
Jesus lets us know that the goal is to "win"
our brother or sister and to find peace. This often requires
forgiveness. The Parish Peacemaking Process is based on Matthew 18 and
is available in a brochure form: please click on
The Process.
Parish
Peacemaking Process
A way
responsibly to
resolve conflict and establish peace.
"Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be
called children of God.” —Matthew 5.9
Rights and
Responsibilities
I
have a right
I
have a responsibility
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to be a peacemaker
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to build up the church
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to address my own concerns directly with the appropriate person or
group
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to utilize an appropriate process to deal with differences
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to listen to others
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to treat others with respect and dignity
Prayer for Peace
O
God the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, our only Savior, the
Prince of Peace: Give us grace seriously to lay to heart the great
dangers we are in by our unhappy divisions; take away all hatred and
prejudice, and whatever else may hinder us from godly union and concord;
that, as there is but one Body and one Spirit, one hope of our calling,
one Lord, one Faith, one Baptism, one God and Father of us all, so we
may be all of one heart and of one soul, united in one holy bond of
truth and peace, of faith and charity, and may with one mind and one
mouth glorify you; through Jesus Christ our Lord.
Amen.
—Book of
Common Prayer, 818
The
Process
Conflict can be healthy
Conflict can be a normal and
healthy part of any church’s life. Faithful people with differing
points of view may disagree about what “ought to be” in regard to parish
life and ministry, but creatively managed conflict can lead to growth
and new possibilities.
Jesus, the Prince of Peace, invites us to be peacemakers, not simply to “keep the peace” at
all costs. We all share in the “ministry of reconciliation” and
have a responsibility to handle our differences in a way that
strengthens the church. As Christians we are to engage our differences
in a way consistent with our baptismal promise to “respect the dignity
of every human being.
Steps
for addressing conflict
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Go directly to the person
with whom you have concern.
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State your own concerns
and desired outcome.
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Listen to the other person’s concerns and desired outcome.
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Further accuracy in
communication by using paraphrasing (restatement).
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Ask if the desired outcome
is consistent with scripture and Episcopal Church norms.
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Repeat steps as needed as
long as progress is maintained.
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Ask for assistance from
the Parish Peacemaking Committee (PPC) if there is an impasse.
Parish Peacemakers
Peacemakers are charged by the vestry and rector to further peacemaking.
They assist the parish in addressing conflict and, when helpful, in
facilitating mediation sessions.
For contact information consult the wardens or rector.
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Anyone can request
Peacemaker
assistance.
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Peacemakers will consult with
both parties to determine willingness to mediate.
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If there is agreement to
mediate, they will set up a mediation session.
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In the absence of
agreement, both parties will be informed and given information
about constructively dealing with differences.
Before
the mediation session, parties will receive information about
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Ground rules helpful for
addressing concerns and resolving differences.
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An overview of what to
expect from a mediation session.
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Information on effective
problem solving.
The mediation session will include
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Review of mediation process.
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Ground rules, including
observance of confidentiality.
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Establish
agreement to mediate.
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Opening statements
(concerns and desired outcome).
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Paraphrase (restatement)
for clarity.
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Individual and group
interaction as needed.
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Issues defined.
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Solutions
identified.
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Agreement drafted, or
discussion of helpful actions in event of an impasse.
Scriptures for Praying
“If your
brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault, between him and you
alone. If he listens to you, you have gained your brother. But if he
does not listen, take one or two others along with you, that every word
may be confirmed by the evidence of two or three witnesses. If he
refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church; and if he refuses to
listen even to the church, let him be to you as a Gentile and tax
collector” (Matthew
18.15-17).
“Take heed
to yourselves; if your brother sins, rebuke him, and if he repents,
forgive him; and if he sins against you seven times in the day, and
turns to you seven times, and says, ‘I repent,’ you must forgive him”
(Luke 17.3-4).
“Therefore,
if any one is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has passed away,
behold the new has come. All this is from God, who through Christ
reconciled us to himself and gave us the ministry of reconciliation;
that is, in Christ God was reconciling the world to himself, not
counting their trespasses against them, and entrusting to us the message
of reconciliation” (2
Corinthians 5.17-19).
Lord,
make us instruments of your peace. Where there is hatred, let us sow
love; where there is injury, pardon; where there is discord, union;
where there is doubt, faith; where there is despair, hope; where there
is darkness, light; where there is sadness, joy. Grant
that I may not so much seek to be consoled as to console; to be
understood as to understand; to be loved as to love. For
it is in giving that we receive; it is pardoning that we are pardoned;
and it is in dying that we are born to eternal life.
—Saint
Francis of Assisi
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